The officer refused to consider my circumstances. “You must follow the rules!” To do so, I’d need to rent a car. Ours was wrecked now. I’d have to take a day off from my new job! At twenty-five, I was ready to fight for fairness – justice. All my attempts failed. Exasperated, I erupted, shouting obscenities. Charged with Aggravated Harassment, I was thrown in jail. This is justice? In court, after hearing my story, the judge dismissed the charge. But ego kept retelling this story for years, remaining defiant, ranting against authority. Ego proclaimed my victimhood and viscously berated that officer. Revenge! It screamed. Down with the system! When others cried justice! I empathized.
Many years later, I discovered the source of my rage toward male authority figures. Important men in my early life had projected their own limiting beliefs onto me. They defined me, as a dreamer, claiming I was incapable of achieving my ambitions. “Get real!” They demanded. Part of me acquiesced, adopting their projections as my own “truth.” Another part of me continued rebelling. “I’ll show you bastards what I can do!” A brutal war waged between opposing parts of me in the space between my ears. I’m good. I’m bad. I’m smart. I’m dumb. I’m this. I’m that. Then, one day staring into a mirror, I screamed! Will this war ever end? An inner voice responded: “When you honor your true self!” What? “When you live to express your Soul’s Essence, your tenderness and compassion will end this war.” I don’t understand! “Stop believing those self-critical thoughts and you will be at peace!”
I heard that and set about observing my thoughts. I practiced releasing ego’s claims of my limitations. The opinions of others about me mattered less and less. Realizing that I had a choice which thoughts to trust, I began voicing the thoughts that honored my Essence. To my delight, I learned that positive inner dialogue spoken aloud alters my outer reality in a positive way.
Returning to the mirror one day, standing eyeball to eyeball, I claimed self-authority: I am tenderness and compassion. I felt balanced and peaceful. I felt a sense of fairness and justice toward myself. Now I had peacekeeping tools should inner war break out again.
As I express my Essence, justice is mirrored in my outer world. Having changed my thoughts, I changed my world. My world now seems a kinder place. I even smile again, sometimes for no apparent reason.
I wonder: Was there ever a time when ego didn’t dominate human behavior? Could Essence have been the original way of being human? If so, could we all return to that state of being? What would it be like to co-create from our combined Essences? What would Earth be like then? Perhaps justice might be everyone’s reality!